We try to keep abreast of estate planning advice that’s given online. Two letters featured in the “Dear Prudence” advice column brought up issues with guardianship.

The first , both heartbreaking and uplifting, concerned a letter writer who had recently been given guardianship over the young children of close friends who had died in a car accident. The new guardian was seeking advice on how to explain death to young children, and how to address potential differences in the religious outlook between the new guardians and the deceased parents.

The second is from the wife of a man whose biological son passed away, leaving him the guardian of his teenage granddaughter. The letter writer is seeking to have the teen move in with her birthmother so that the fun activities they planned for their retirement are not compromised.

These letters dramatically illustrate the difficult issues surrounding the selection of guardians, and the importance of making this selection in a thoughtful way.

While the first letter represents the best of what we hope for when we choose guardians - trustworthy people who want to preserve our values as they raise our kids with love – the second letter represents our deepest fears – putting our kids in a traumatic situation where they are not welcomed or loved as they ought to be.

If you have picked a guardian, or are considering naming one, the following questions should clarify your options:

• Is the guardian stably employed and in a stable relationship?
• Does the guardian share my religious beliefs, or is he or she willing and able to teach my religious beliefs to my children?
• Are my kids emotionally invested in their community, or can I choose someone who lives far away?
• How important is it to me that my children are raised by a biological relative?
• If the guardian is not a member of my family (or even if he or she is), is he or she going to be willing and able to help my children maintain relationships with the rest of their family?
• Does the guardian have room in his or her house for my children, and if not, is he or she willing to move?
• Am I going to be able to leave the guardian a sufficient amount of money to raise my children until they are at least 18, and if not, is he or she capable of overcoming the shortfall?
• If your child has special needs, does the guardian have the patience, knowledge, and resources to deal with that situation?

This list likely could go on much longer, and in all likelihood, you are not going to be able to find anyone who meets all of your criteria. The difficulty of choosing a guardian causes many people to procrastinate. If you don’t make the decision, however, and disaster strikes, the decision is going to have to be made by someone entirely unfamiliar with you and your family.

Don’t forget! This decision needs to be revisited frequently. Friendships fade. People get divorced or move. People age and develop health problems. Again, the list can go on. This is not a “set and forget” decision. You might be surprised, however, at the sense of relief that you feel once you do thoughtfully work your way through this decision and made the best possible choice of guardian for your children.

If you are struggling with this big decision, the McKenzie Firm’s Guardianship Guide may be of help (please contact us for a complimentary copy). It will ask you a series of questions designed to help you evaluate your priorities and rank each potential guardian based on his or her character and suitability.

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